iamachilles

Hey, Guys!

I coach 7 improv groups during the week and TWO of them have shows this weekend!

Come see FUTURO perform tonight at Gotham City Improv at 10 PM with Mancrush!

Also, come see Boys Club For Men perform tomorrow night at The PIT at 11 PM with Bad Luck Rising!

Finally, sign up for my 201 Practice Session at the UCB.  Learn about “The Game of The Scene!”  Only one spot left!

I spoke to a “woman” today who wanted to find out about UCB classes.  I use “woman” in quotes because it’s entirely possible that she/it is some sort of cold-blooded reptilian creature, devoid of human sentiments like empathy and tact.

She/it wanted to know if she could skip the 101 improv and sketch level because she had experience.  I asked her what type of experience she had — she’s part of a couple of sketch groups and did improv in college.  She was also a theater major.  I told her that she could send an e-mail to our registrar requesting permission to register for a 201 level, but mentioned that almost of all of our students start at 101, regardless of past experience.  UCB has it’s own style and sensibility, so our teaching methods are affected by that from the beginning.  She didn’t like this answer.  She responded by hissing “I don’t want to just take a class with a bunch of ‘Joe Schmoe Office Guy With a Funny Bone!’ I mean, I’m A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN!”

This Lizard Lady also wanted to know if she could audit a class.  I told her what I always tell people who ask that question — we don’t allow class audits to maintain class integrity.  That’s been the policy for as long as I remember.  I recommended that she see some of our sketch or improv shows to get an idea of what we teach in our classes. Most people are content with this response.

This dragon-woman, however, was extremely irked by this.  She wanted some way to know that these classes weren’t “a complete waste of my money.”  I told her that we were confident that we offered the best improv and sketch classes and that the success of many of the people who have taken our classes and performed on our stage speaks for itself.  She nevertheless continued to demand permission to take an upper level class and also demanded to know why she couldn’t audit a class, even after I had given her a reason many times.

I offered to transfer her to our Student Affairs Director to discuss our school’s policies.  I was very professional and calm during the entire phone call.  Meanwhile, she finds enough energy within her ossified skeleton to continue yelling about auditing a class.  The call ended like this:

ME: “Again, I can offer to transfer you to our Student Affairs Director for questions about our policies.”

THE BASILISK: (self-righteously) “Uh, no thanks!”

CLICK.

If you’re reading this, Ms. Professional Komodian, I just want to say “I’m sorry.”  I’m sorry that you’ll never get to show how much much funnier you are than Joe Schmoe during one of our classes.  I’m sorry that you won’t get to waste your money on classes that have produced Rob Riggle, Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer, Ed Helms, Andy Daly, Rob Corddry, Bobby Moynihan, Abby Elliot, Casey Wilson, Derrick Comedy, Wyatt Cenac, Aubrey Plaza, Ellie Kemper, Scot Armstrong, and so many others working in entertainment.  I’m so sorry you won’t get to stand on the shoulders of Amy Poehler, Matt Besser, Ian Roberts, and Matt Walsh.  And I’m sorry that you’ll never realize that support is actually a huge part of comedy.

When you’re crawling on your scaly belly from sad and unfunny comedy gig to sadder and unfunnier comedy gig, adjusting your bony plates now and then to ensure that your body temperature is not adversely affected by the coldness of an unlaughing audience, please please remember my apologies.